Ugly Shoes … Making America Great Again!

Is there a strategy afoot?

The world has finally gone nuts!  Donald Trump might be president of the most powerful nation on the planet!  Terrorists are blowing up people all over the world, just to have a bevy of virgins waiting for them at the pearly gates.  Crowds of millennials are trying to capture Pokemon on a telephone.  Don’t these people have anything better to do?  What would Alexander Graham Bell think of this?  Now, the leaders in the fashion industry are manufacturing the ugliest shoes ever in the history of footwear.

For example …

Zara is selling these weird faux fur vamp sandals….

Ah, but that’s not all.  Gucci designed ultra shaggy slip ons.

Gucci ultra shop slip on.

Chanel has awkward curvy cork wedges for sale.

(Never been worn leather and suede chic wedges, size 11 women’s.)

Chanel's curvy cork wedge.

Deckers is the mother company for Ugg and Teva, who unveiled a crossbred sandal/boot.  The fashion critics were horrified.  These new ugly shoes have being labeled the ugliest shoes of all time.  Ugg has many different varieties for you to choose from, if you don’t like your pants around your ankles.

Ugg's sandal boot wins the "Ugliest" prize!

Ugg’s sandal boot wins the “Ugliest” prize!

Why is all this happening, you might ask?   Probably for the same reason that President Donald Trump might soon be building a wall.

To be part of the “Me” generation, not only do you need at least one pair of “Ugly Shoes”, but you need to watch your step.  Beware of the toes that are poking out of Adidas’ Original Men’s Adissage sandals, on the feet of celebrities and fashion editors.  These shoes have a massage footbed that works on the 70,000 nerves in the bottom of your feet as you walk.  WOW!

 

What are the fashion experts saying?

Racked called ugly shoes, “an abomination”.

The Huffington Post dubbed them, “the stuff of nightmares”.

Even Glamour was perplexed and commented, “We can’t even begin to imagine a scenario that these shoes are suited for.”

Let’s put the money aside for a second.  We know Ugg and Teva believe these shoes are a unique fashion forward step.  They say they are expressing their freedom, and those who buy and wear uglies, are too.  What a great world we live in.

What will happen next in the world of shoes?

These modern day subversive, anti-establishment styles have been here before.

Let us take you back in time, for a look at more “uglies”…

Crocs lightweight are waterproof and bacteria resistant.  Beware:  They are slippery when wet!

Crocs light weight are slippery when wet.

Les Plongeuses 1977

Yes they are high heels!  Yes, they are fins with laces!  Yes, they are great while celebrating underwater.  Beware:  You won’t be late for the party.

Les Plongeuses high heel flipper shoe with laces.

Les Plongeuses high heel flipper shoe with laces.

Viktor and Rolf Cutaway Knee-high Boots 2010

Become a cut-away vamp and pretend your legs and feet are a birthday cake.  Your platform pumps with matching shin guards will make you delicious.  Beware:  What happens when the candles are lit?

Viktor and Rolf's platform pumps with shin guards.

Viktor and Rolf’s platform pumps with shin guards.

Vega Girl I Heels 2009

Actual horse hooves and guns were used for your pleasure. They did get the attention of animal rights groups and anti-gun lobbyists.  However, Lady Gaga did order a pair without the hooves. *Beware:  Try to resist galloping and only shoot when you see the whites of their eyes.

Vega Girl I heels with guns and horse hooves.

Vega Girl I heels with guns and horse hooves.

Chopines 16th century Italy

These platform overshoes were the height of fashion way back when.  Cork or metal 20 inch high basis supported the shoe.  They were worn by Venetian noblewomen for status reasons.  The higher the shoe, the more important you were.  Beware:  Maybe they were worn down at the famous St. Mark’s Square during high tide.

Chopines 16th century platforms come with status.

Chopines 16th century platforms come with status.

So back to the question:  Is there a strategy afoot?

Perhaps all this craziness is just too stressful for not only our celebrities, but the average Jane and Joe.  We believe that everyone just wants to laugh at their feet, which can relieve the anxiety we all feel when we look in the mirror and realize we aren’t perfect!  *Beware:  Nobody really cares what you look like.

Trump white runners keep him one step ahead of the others.

Trump’s white runners keep him one step ahead of the others.

A Footnote

 

About the Author Robert Fox